How to not lose hope while following your dreams…
Are you falling apart right now. Do you feel like following your dreams is a hopeless thing?
How to not fall apart while following your dreams: understand what’s happening to you. The results aren’t coming fast enough, but they will come. Nobody believes in you, but people barely believe in themselves. You need to show them that people are worth believing in so they can live a life like you’re about to live. Creating something amazing from nothing is a rite of passage: you nearly drown and starve doing so, but you always make it ifyou’re willing to tweak things (& don’t give up).
How to not lose hope while following your dreams is like learning how to make fire with sticks.
That one time you actually need that skill, you could die if you don’t have it. Looking back on feeling hopeless, quitting my job to pursue my dreams, alienating myself from my friends and family, working 16 hours a day and finally making it, there are definitely times you’ll start to lose hope. If that happens you die right there (your dreams anyway).
For those who reach the point where they drop bow, you need to pick that bow back up again and fight o son of Partha. But how…?
Why We Fall Apart When Following Our Dreams
Why do we fall apart pursuing our dreams in the first place?
We’re not getting results quickly enough
Often we can have unrealistic expectations for how fast things occur. They say that “it takes the rest of the world a little longer to catch up” so when you decide to create something amazing from nothing, it might take everyone else to get on the waves your surfing.
But sometimes, we just think “It should’ve happened by now”, and if that’s the case, it cause for a closer look, not completely falling apart and feeling like everything is hopeless. If you’re certain you should be seeing results by now, fine, but if you’re just “wanting” results now that’s only gonna cause misery for you.
Nobody believes in us
Even if they’re not coming out and saying it, not everyone is on the same frequency as us. We have different ideas about what’s possible and how things can be done in life than most do, so it’s pretty common for people to not be as excited about what you’re doing as you are. When we’re not getting enthusiastic support we tend to lean towards thinking that nobody supports us, or that support is even required to do something great. It helps, but it’s not required.
We’re burnt out
I know exactly what it’s like to go 2 hours, 30 minutes off all day long. That’s 10 or so hours of real productivity and a few hours of breaks. The breaks are only so you can reset your focus.
- But there’s no fun time
- There’s no socializing
- There’s no family gatherings or partying on the weekends
& you do this 7 days a week.
I’m not bragging, but I remember a period of about 18 months where I literally didn’t leave the house. It’s called dedication and focus, and I know I’m not the only one. Everyone is different, but that kind of deprivation of self care and stuff that’s fun will cause you to go mad sooner or later. It’s called burning out. You burn and burn and burn until only charcoal is left.
When this happens, you can easily fall apart because what held you together is completely depleted. You’re just spent. It’s time to take a beak and rekindle your passion, not give up.
Failure Starts to discourage us
Failure might not even be the right word for it either. Nothing inspirational, but no results means no results and that’s all it means. Failure has almost become a designation or an identity we adopt. If results aren’t coming, you combine different ingredients differently.
Seriously. If the cake doesn’t come out of the oven how you want, does that make you a failure? We naturally think, “Something’s wrong with these ingredients, or how I mixed them together or something.”, but we never think, “I’m doomed by the cake gods and I’ll never amount to anything cake worthy ever..”…Ridiculous.
The results you want are a formula: (proper amount) proper ingredients = results.
We lack faith in our ability
When you think your ability to do a thing is set in stone forever, you might lack the faith necessary to get the results you want. Most of “what it takes” to make it at anything is half skills and half mindset. Skills can be trained and mindset can be trained. Both of them can be increased, toughened, honed etc…
If you’ve taken a good look at yourself and don’t think you have the skills or the mindset for something right now, those things can be acquired.
Nobody is doomed to remain where they are unless they decide to stay put.
Our imagination starts to run wild
An abnormal fear is when your imagination gets a hold of one negative thought and you don’t stop it. It then spirals out of control and suddenly you’re in the dragon’s lair face to face with this huge scaly demon that doesn’t actually exist.
Our fears then become programming and runs all day long
After your imagination takes control and sends you down a negative spiral, you’ll start to repeat that day in and day out. When that happens, this becomes the programming your reality runs on.
Repetition + belief = programming = reality = more repetition of the same cycle.
Why You Shouldn’t Worry
If you’re in a spot where you’re going through symptoms of falling apart, don’t worry too much. You caught the cold, and just like the common cold, just go through it and know that it’ll be over soon. But you have to take action, otherwise, you stay like this.
What To Do When You Start Falling To Pieces
1. Take a Deep Breath…
Honestly, how many of these “my life is falling apart and I’m doomed experiences have you had? I’ve had several, and each time, you get faster and faster at realizing that it’s just some negative belief and emotion catching up with you. Something to go through, but nothing to worry about.
2. Take an Honest Look at the Situation
We exagerate too much. Humans in general are awful at finding the right balance. It’s too easy to let gravity pull us to one extreme or the other.
Look at the raw data. Is what you’re afraid of actually happen? What’s the likelihood of everything you’re worrying about coming to fruition?
Write down what’s really going on down on paper and look at it. Score it from 1-10 if you need to. You’re life is probably not falling apart as much as you think. Especially when following your dreams. Even if they were, there are remedies for that.
3. Understand that Failure Means “Not Yet”
The formula for results is as simple as the right ingredients in the right amounts. Not “do it once and get no results so….failure for life”.
4. Others Opinions Don’t Matter…Literally at all…
Only qualified opinions matter. Having a strong opinion is really only that. Strong opinions don’t much else.
If a person is truly qualified, meaning they have extensive knowledge, experience and maturity, THEN you have a reason to listen to what they have to say. Even then, if they’re being an asshole about things, just take the constructive criticism and leave everything else.
Most people (like 8 out of 10) lack critical thinking skills to such a large extent that most of what they think is really not worth paying much attention to. What to speak of what they say?
Sad but true. So if someone said something, wrote something, or posted something that got you down, write them off and continue. It happens.
5. Learn the Value of Experimentation
Pay attention because this is literally the secret key that makes every formula work. Experimentation, doubling down on what works, discarding what doesn’t work and pivoting are tools that make or break businesses (or whatever you’re trying to do really).
Sometimes things don’t work. If you allow changes to be made to your recipe for success, you stop trying to force a square peg in a round hole. Give yourself the freedom to try different techniques and tactics out. Apply a small amount of pressure to something different and see how it works.
All things should be done according to time place and circumstance. Sometimes when you get a “10 steps to do this this and this” from a successful entrepreneur, a teacher, guru or whoever…their formulas are not always tailor made for your particular circumstance.
I’ll give you an example.
I bake bread as a serious hobby. In peoples bread cook books they have recipes and bread formulas.
It might say to bake a certain bread for 2 hours at a certain temperature. When I do that though, the bread comes out overcooked. The creator of the recipe and I are in different situations.
- I am in a different part of the world
- My kitchen is a different temperature.
- The source of my flour is grown in a different state
- The water he uses is softer or harder than mine
- My oven is different
All of those variables need to be combined in precisely the right order, intensity, amount and variety in order to get the same results. As soon as a single variable is changed, all the other ingredients need to be altered to create the same formula.
What if the professional bakers water came from a faucet, and I’m in Costa Rica with my water coming out of PVC pipe that’s exposed all day to the hot jungle sun? (real life example).
If that’s the case, my water will be much hotter than the creator of the recipe, cause my yeast to go berzerk > bread rises faster, taste different etc…
Keep this in mind. There’s not one way to skin a cat. Variables are important. When you’re after results, you’re concerned about manipulating variables and ingredients to get those results.
Learn to experiment to get the results you want & don’t pigeonhole yourself to one method of doing things. See what works.
6. Write Down a List of Motivations!
Sometimes we just get ourselves down and we can’t help it.
I keep a list of motivating factors in a little notebook that I consult regularly. Believe it or not, they keep me going when life get’s a little rough.
One thing that always keeps me going no matter how real the struggle gets, is this one sentence I have written down.
- “You have to make this work, because, even if you gave up, you wouldn’t be happy afterward. You’d scate through life for a few months or a few years, and then come back to this again and try to make it work. Might as well not waste time and just see it through.”
What you write down will be personal, but whatever works to get yourself back into the right mindset is what’s really important.
A slump at all is really a mental slump. Having “mindset adjusters” that you write down when you’re thinking clearly work wonders.
7. Tell Your Abnormal Fears to “Shush”
That’s all really.
You’re allowed to make decisions.
The only real fear is the fear of being eaten, and the fear of falling.
Everything else, you can just tell to shut up and go somewhere else.
That’s literally an ability everyone has (otherwise your mind wins, making it easy to lose hope while following your dreams).
Similar to how you’d tell a person that you didn’t believe what they were saying. Those thoughts inside your head are just you talking to yourself, and your mind (when not directly controlled by you) tends to go off and do it’s own thing. Treat it like a separate entity and call it a liar if what it says starts to limit your potential.
8. Control Your Self Talk
Kain Ramsey (famous life coach) calls this talking to yourself instead of listening to yourself, and it goes hand-in-hand with calling your mind a liar. Most of our limiting beliefs about ourselves and life come from times we chose to listen to mind chatter. Instead, decide to tell your mind how things are. When you hear yourself chatting about limitations, decide to talk, and talk about possibilities instead. Very effective.
9. Avoid Being Too Inspirational
There are optimists.
There are pessimists.
& then there are realists…
I’ve never understood the logic behind the idea that being a realist is some balanced approach to life, nestling itself logically (reasonably – rationally) between being overly optimistic and overly pessimistic.
In my opinion (and I’m pretty sure I’m right) optimism and pessimism are your opinions about your future and its possibilities.
Being a realist just means you understand that your inputs affect your outputs. What does that have anything to do with being in the middle of positivity and negativity.
The way we should live, is to be real about our actual position in life. You don’t get anywhere just imagining things, and there’s effort on your part required to get the results you want.
- Then you choose how to see your future, and your potential. Are you optimistic about your ability to achieve what you want?
- Or are you pessimistic?
Avoid being too inspirational. It can foster laziness., but don’t swing to the other extreme and forget to dream and imagine. If there’s only what’s here, then everything stays the same. Boring.
10. Understand what “Falling Apart” Actually Means
Falling apart means you’re strong enough to get through falling apart.
Falling apart means you’ve stretched yourself to such a point that you literally feel like you can’t handle it anymore.
Muscles are broken down before they’re rebuilt – bigger and better (& sexier].
You’re not doing anything but building your life muscle.
Take a life protein shake and a nap and chill out. Try again tomorrow