Ever wonder how some people seem to have a mindset that makes them unstoppable in life?
The number one reason for defeat when it comes to anything is lacking the proper mindset. The actual cause might have been that we don’t put in the necessary effort, or that we were going in a direction we shouldn’t have been.
Both of those, however, can be linked to not having the proper mindset.
If your initial push wasn’t successful, you probably didn’t have the right mindset behind it.
If you realized you weren’t going in the right direction (maybe the market didn’t want your idea, or you feel unhappy doing it), you can link your lack of direction back to not starting your path with the right mental framework.
1. You’re Part of the Equation
Having the right mindset propels you toward maturity and wisdom faster. A huge mindset shift that truly changes people’s lives is taking responsibility for yourself and your life.
Mindset and responsibility
It does not mean taking the blame, which is what many think when they hear the phrase. Until I figured out the true meaning of “taking responsibility for my life” I always thought there were moments when it was appropriate and moments where it was not.
This is definitely not the case. There is NEVER a moment when you are allowed to drop your guard and shift the responsibility to someone else or something else.
In fact, this means giving away all your power.
Mindset and Algebra
Let’s do some basic math here. There is X, Y, and Z.
If you are in a situation with Suzy (person X) who happens to not be that pleasant to be around, and you represent person Y (obviously you’re awesome, right?) and the result of your interaction is represented by Z, then we can already see that you are a variable in the equation.
This means that without your input, (your behavior, attitude, thoughts, feelings, and words) Z (outcome) would be different.
Suzy doesn’t irritate everyone (this is how it is for most people). She has friends who think she’s great and family who love her. So it’s childish to assume that it is 100 percent her fault.
Taking responsibility for the interaction does not mean
- You excuse her behavior
- That you look the other way and let her take advantage of you
- Or that you let her walk all over and otherwise disrespect you
What it does mean, is that you recognize that this happens with you as a variable and that when you plug someone else in the Y position, suddenly the Z outcome is a pleasant interaction. Make sense?
Something about you, even if it’s irrational on her part, makes her behave the way she does. Most people in the world do not think before they respond, they simply react to their environment.
Taking responsibility for yourself means that nobody is going to create the life and the experiences you want for you, if you want a pleasant interaction with Suzy, on paper, you need to plug in the right input, causing a different reaction.
I’ll explain more about this in the practical vs absolute judgment section later on.
Essentially, the takeaway is that when you place the responsibility to change the situation on someone else, you take away all your power to experience something different, and rely solely on them to take care of everything.
This mentality is the one that most people have, and it leaves us completely powerless to change your lives for the better.
2. Growth vs stuck
The wrong mindset can actually render you completely inert when it comes to exploding towards what you want in life.
- “I haven’t figured it out yet”
- “I try different strategies”
- “I strive for progress, not perfection”
- “I go after my dreams”
- “I’m not worth it”
- “I don’t deserve it”
- “I am not “blank” enough”
- “I’ll fail and look foolish”
3. Practical vs absolute judgment
A judgment is a decision you make as to the reality or nature of a thing, whatever that thing might be.
It’s commonly said to not judge “lest ye be judged” however, there are two types of judgment and times when it’s appropriate to make decisions about the people, places, and things that are a part of your life.
Absolute Judgement as a part of Stuck Mindset
Everyone has a certain set, and amount of physical, mental and intellectual resources. Nobody makes decisions and thinks to themselves “This is not the best way to live, but I’m going to do it anyway”.
Whenever you look at someone and you are about to judge them as “blank”, stop to remember that, using whatever ideas, morals value they have, they made what they thought was the best decision.
Everyone sees life differently based on their own vision, struggles, and experiences. It sounds wishy-washy, but the fact is, we all make decisions based on different considerations, and everyone priorities are different.
Absolutely judgment means to observe something (any noun really) and say, because I am observing it from my own perspective, now I know it. You are essentially saying, I’m seeing it, and it is this way.
Let’s break that down further.
The phrase “It is…”
When you judge someone, you are saying “they are (this way).
The words, “are”, “is” are forms of the infinitive “to be” which is the same as saying “it exists as”.
When you tell Suzy from earlier that she’s a nasty old b@#ch. The word “is”, is in there. You are essentially saying, “You exist (is), and you exist in the condition that I have decided, which is a nasty old b@#ch!”
Does that sound right?
You saw her acting that way for ten minutes and now you know so much that you can define her existence? Nope. That might be comfortable for you, but when we do this, we’re wrong.
The bottom line is that absolute judgment is when we observe something and decide that we know what it is beneath the surface.
Practical Judgement as a part of Growth Mindset
You might be shaking your head, because “Brian!!!! What am I supposed to do, give Suzy chance after chance, after chance and let her behave any way she pleases?!”
Nope dear friend, that’s not what you’re supposed to do, and this is where practical judgment comes in. So breathe, it’s going to be alright.
Essentials of Practical Judgement Mindset
Here are the rules:
- You first recognize there is something about a situation that is not working for you
- You say this situation or this person is acting a certain way, for whatever reason (bad day, no breakfast etc…)
- I’m not going to judge them absolutely, and decide what their innate value as a human is, or put them beneath me
- But what I am going to do is decide whether a relationship with them is good for me and where I’m going with my life.
Your Mindset allows you to have a talk with Suzy
You: I notice that every time we meet up for work, the interaction goes sour quickly.
Suzy: Yeah, it’s because you’re rude to me as soon as I see you.
Already we can see that something you are doing, is irritating her, and causing her to react a certain way. We might decide that her behavior is a bit much still, but we can see now that we are essential parts of all the situations we’re involved in.
You: What do you mean?
Suzy: Every time I come into work, I smile at you and you never smile back, you always give me this weird look, and I think it’s rude.
The fact is, you have “resting bitch face”, and you’re focused. You just have a habit of not smiling back when others smile at you. You might be a Capricorn who keeps their emotions hidden beneath the surface, or you might not perceive her greeting because you are deeply focused on what you are doing.
Either way, she perceives it one way and reacts accordingly.
The point here is that there is nothing ABSOLUTELY wrong about either of you, but you both might need to make changes in order to interact effectively with one another.
The Powerful Mindset
The most powerful kind of mindset is when a person is oriented towards progressing their life forward.
It involves understanding that nobody is going to push your life forward for you because nobody cares. Not so much in a negative way either. Nobody in the world is going to get you where you want to go, because none of them nowhere you want to go.
You must do it yourself. This is called taking responsibility for your life, and it keeps you empowered because you are the director.
Another facet of the most powerful mindset is understanding your capacity for progress, which is unlimited. That’s a fact, there is no law in the cosmos that keeps humans from moving forward. You are free to take as many steps in your desired direction as you wish.
The third component of the most powerful mindset that you will need to embrace is understanding that it’s not necessary for you to play “the maker” and divvy out the judgments for all persons, places, and things. It’s a tough job and you don’t want to put yourself through it.
You might, however, need to exercise some discernment as to whether they are beneficial to you and where you are trying to take your life.
Put these into practice and let me know in the comments.
Has your life ever changed because of a switch in mindset?